Husband and wife understanding

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According to me, establishing a great understanding with your husband and winning their confidence is the most vital for the smooth family. If this is established then all other problems can be solved by both of them with ease.

Wow….what a creation??? God is great…he created a person who has the same thoughts…may be WE ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER……

What happened suddenly that these thoughts vanish and we start observing the differences……..

May be it is the expectations……I manage the house and family reasonably well now and it is after 11 yrs of marriage…I was expected to do this 11 yrs back….then I didn’t have any clue to run a family………..so this created a lots of marriage blues in my life………

How to solve this problem???????

1. Love your husband as he is……….

2. Don’t open your mouth unnecessarily…..think before talking…..

3. Do your duties with complete happiness………say if u r not feeling to cook…relax…give bread and milk with full of love rather than cooking an elaborate meal with cribbing…..

4. Wake up early…..pin toongi mun ezhuval pattinni ( the lady who goes to bed last and wakes up first is considered as the best wife). I feel this is the most important thing with which u can satisfy the whole family….initially little difficult but later this will give us sometime in the morning to our self which we normally long for….try to wakeup one hr before your family wakes up….whether u do any work or not, this personal time will help u to calm your mind……

5. do not expect praise rather start praising your husband and family…..(eg) my husband normally doesn’t help me with any work…. we made a conscious decision that we will stop the kids classes in the week days and they will attend classes only in the weekends…so that my husband will pick and drop them….I casually mentioned this to his friends wife in a get together that he is helping me a lot and picking and dropping the kids. Believe me the very next day my maid didn’t turn up and he volunteered to give bath for the kids and dried the cloths….this happened 3 yrs back….now he is helping me a lot…….

6. If your husband pin points any mistake about you ….rather than arguing – accept it….and say that u have this problem and u r trying a way to correct it……

7. Rather than arguing who has made the maximum sacrifice for the family, think how much more u can contribute for the happiness of the family……

8. Padithal Mattum Pothuma (education alone is not enough). The major problem in these days is that the girls are only educated and absolutely not skillful in managing a family….let us accept this and develop our skills….I saw this (Padithal Mattum Pothuma) tamil movie of Shivaji….I really felt this problem in girls have been pin pointed in this movie in 60s…..of course for the commercial aspect lots of things are exaggerated….but I felt a very good lesson from this movie…developing the skills for managing the house is important…we need to spend a lot of time with dedication to learn this beautiful art……

9. As I have earlier mentioned doing your duties with happiness is important but at the say time deciding what is your duty is also very necessary…..Discuss with your husband and accept that you don’t possess certain skills to run a family….try and convince him that may be you need more domestic help to solve the problem…believe me domestic help is only a temporary solution for the transition face till you become skillful…it is not a permanent solution as the work will be done but there is no love in it… the work and the family is complete only when there is an element of love….which only the lady of the house can provide and not the domestic help……

10. Try to understand your very nature of your husband and analyse the reasons for your fight……Iam sure there will be only 3 to 5 reasons maximum on which you must end up with a fight…..analyse it then believe me u have solved it……

The last but not the least is to believe the family members rather than doubting their love….always be spectacle with the outside world but not with the family members…..in other words positive thinking….

If you seriously follow these tips all your fights and unhappiness will vanish so quickly and you will enter into the world of a deeper love…..in the movie Alaipayuthey – Madavan is married to a girl after falling in love and soon he realizes that things are not the same as he expected and he was very unhappy and joins a friend for a drink….this friend is a middle aged person, who advises him that the love during the initial phase is like jasmine flower…it is fragrant, fresh but definitely will dry up….the love after marriage is like a root of tree….it will take some time to get deep rooted but it will be very strong….it is the true love….we are all in search of it…..give time to each other and things will improve……

Iam blessed to be born in a beautiful joint family which thought me all the lessons of life…I didn’t realize the value of it then…now it is helping me…..of course I have faced a lot of marriage blues and I am sure I will be facing many in future but the one thing which my family has given me is the determination to solve the problems….If I can do this all of you can do that…. I am very happy that I am married to such a sensible person and he has started to understand me and we are hardly fighting…maybe we have developed some root with very tiny roots erupting from them….I definitely will work hard with full love to make it a strong and deep rooted family tree.

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13 responses »

  1. uma for anybody padithaal mattum podaathu, I agree. To run and manage a family is a totally different ball game. In our case we were well educated but lacked even the basic idea about cooking, leave alone running a family. Now looking back , I feel we wouldn’t have struggled so much if we had equipped ourselves with some basic skills. But again not everybody has the same experience even with the same skill set. You and I struggled and learnt things the hard way. No regrets. But I know a few women who never changed and were never expected to change one bit after marriage. They do not cook themselves as they do not enjoy cooking. But they do run and manage their family quiet well. So I feel being happy is what matters ultimately whether you do everything yourself or you get things done.

  2. I fully agree…. Happiness is the ultimate goal…What I meant was – the element of love is missing if we get things done…but the work will be completed and people will look happy as everything is in place……but definitively doing it our self to our family has an “अपनापन -Apnapan -something belonging to us”….As per the scriptures this apnapan gives metal security and leads to calmness to each family member……….of course if a lady does not like to do the housework it is better to have a help rather than doing it with unhappiness….. Certain people take help to balance their career….but these r definitively a compromise as far as the family is concerned and the best would be only if she does it herself……………

  3. My personal take on this…

    Some of these appear too good to be true, especially in today’s world. And on some points like 6. above, I am not sure I agree…

    I’d like my wife to be an equal participant and partner in life. When she keeps saying yes and keeps agreeing to whatever I say just on the outside, not from within, I see through all that most often. Also, this could lead to pent-up frustration, which may not be healthy.

    I’d be more interested in knowing what’s on her mind that on the outside.

    Now, both of us being busy professionals with two kids to manage now, I by no means am suggesting that either of us are perfect. Atleast this how I truly like my wife and I to be.

    And, btw, nice blog!

    • Thanks prasanna….I agree….But what i presumed was – If the husband pinpoints genuine mistakes about us…then it is better to accept than to argue…..If by chance, the husband has the habit of pinpointing all the small mistakes then we may have to express our views….but if he is telling only the major mistakes – then i feel we need to accept and take action to correct it……………

      • @ prasanna -In my case, My husband is not a person who accepts mistakes and takes action for correction. So I took the lead….I accepted his major complaints (only) and showed my improvement…..eventually he said I see u putting so much efforts even I will correct these attitudes of mine which u don’t like……One person has to take the lead…..generally, I feel women are best and can do it better…..

  4. I thank all of u for your comments. I personally feel that your comments are giving life to my writings…Thanks a lot…..@ Prasanna – I didn’t answer one portion of your comment “none of us are perfect “….Even when I described about my case, me and husband only put in the efforts but none of us have actually / completely changed the attitudes….but when both of us understood that there is an effort to change that brought in lot of peace and happiness….Even an sincere effort is enough to bring in the change…perfection may not be required initially…but this understanding will definitively bring in perfection in future……

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