A humble letter to the Mom-in-laws, Husbands and Daughter-in-laws

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My Dear Mom – in -laws,

  1. You have been a wonderful mother.
  2. Waking up early to do the daily chores for the family – even forgetting or ignoring your leg and knee pains. Looking very active may be by popping up some painkillers quietly.
  3. What happened to you once your son got married? Why have you started feeling the pain in your leg? Why are you feeling sad to get up early in the morning? Why are you suspicious suddenly? Where have you got the fears from? Why are you feeling lonely?
  4. Answer – The expectations.
  5. Of course, you have every right to expect. After all, you are expecting only from your own son and the adopted daughter.
  6. On behalf of – the entire daughter in laws and sons community – I promise all your expectations will come true. In fact you will get much more than what you really expect.
  7. We just expect you to pop in some more painkillers and continue your wonderful job of handling the family for some more years after your sons wedding. May be 10 to 15 years more.
  8. Don’t expect your daughter in law to wake up early in the initial days. Expect after some years. I can give an example; I had a friend / colleague in office in Mumbai. She got married to a guy who lives in a chawl. A chawl is a house in Mumbai with only one room separated with a very small kitchen. When I came to know that my friend is staying in one such house after marriage, I was shocked and curious to know how she manages the life. She and her husband were given the kitchen to use as a bedroom. She used to bring lovely food everyday cooked by her mom – in – law. Our office starts at 8.30 am. People in Mumbai are very punctual to work. I asked her u must be waking up very early as your mom in law cooks so much and you guys sleep in the kitchen. She said “no”. I wake up 7 am on working days and 9 or 10 am on weekends. She said – she even told her mom – in – law that she will buy an alarm and wake up early. But her MIL said relax my dear, I have got my son married to be happy with his wife. I know it is only an initial phase. Soon in life you may have to get up early. Don’t worry I am fast in cooking I will manage. I was in tears when I heard this from her.
  9. Don’t expect her to do the poojas initially. Please take the lead and pray happily for the whole family. On pooja days allow her to deck up and make the goddess of your family  (DIL) stand by your side to perform the ceremonies. Admire your sons taste in beauty.
  10. Don’t think that you need to bring things under control from day 1. Just give love, your adopted daughter will see and learn everything that you do and in fact she will do it in the same way you do. Wait for some years.
  11. Encourage her to talk and meet her family and friends. Believe me in some years she will forget her family and get devoted to your family and adopt it as hers.
  12. Talk freely and express your feelings and rules of your family. Don’t be quiet and develop a cold war.
  13. Remember that your family is handling one new person and she has to handle so many new people. Give her time – she will do a wonderful job.
  14. Leave all the fears. No body can break your family. Just trust that you have given a beautiful sanskar (tradition) to your son. He has brought or you have selected a girl from a family with similar great traditions. Think positive, have trust. All your dreams will come true and your kids will definitively make you proud. We just beg you to be patient and active for some more years – to lead us………………

Hey Husbands,

Why are you sitting quietly? Are you watching a movie? ….It is your life my dear. Wake up……….

  1. All wives’s like praises and gifts.
  2. Watch more shahrukh khan movies.
  3. Exceed your credit card limit. Spending with love is the secret to earn more.
  4. Treat your wife at least once a month  – forgetting that she is your wife but believing that she is your girl friend.
  5. Come home early. Doing work is important, knowing to stop or finish the work on time is more crucial.
  6. Your job is easy. Do this and your family will be managed wonderfully by your MOM and WIFE.

Hello Daughter in laws,

  1. Leave the fear and guilt. If you get up late or messed up the food. Don’t fear my dear. Just give a big smile and say sorry.
  2. My 3 year son sits everyday for an hour to do some drawing. He comes and proudly shows his picture to me. If I am a sensible mother then I will see his effort of sitting for an hour quietly at the age of 3 and praise him. If I am going to criticise his artwork, I am stupid. Similarly, girls put in your effort and don’t bother about the outcome. It will happen very soon.
  3. Don’t put in the efforts unhappily or with a sacrificing tendency or adjusting. Put in the efforts (even little) happily with a broad smile. No need to adjust rather believe that you are in a  new atmosphere.
  4. Don’t try to impress anybody. Just be normal. You have already impressed the family members. That is why they choose you.
  5. Enna panna – amma vittulla ellam correct….husband vittulla ellam tappu…….:-)Translation in English: What to do – In mom’s house everything was done correctly and in the husband’s house everything is done in a wrong manner. Lets us take the lead to correct them slowly.
  6. No mom – in – law is a devil and no husband is a stupid. They just don’t know to handle a new person in the house.
  7. Also read my article on Husband and Wife Understanding………

All the best………………….We are all going to make a strong, unbreakable, happy family…………

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8 responses »

  1. This article is wonderfully presented. I just saw ‘Kadhalai Sothapathuvathu Eppadi’ and I felt that movie was a real depiction of reality. It shows how men and women are by nature. But some of those scenes, I felt it is happening in my life but I don’t still realize it is men’s nature because Husband is the only man close to me in my life. And I have no clue about other husbands. This article is one of the kind and will fit for every family. Well written.

  2. I have received messages from 3 MIL’s who don’t want to publish their names………But very clearly understood the article and they have made a promise to treat the DIL as their adopted daughter……The messages were soaked with tears……..Thanks a lot MIL’s for sending such touching replies…….I am feeling that the purpose of opening the blog is getting achieved………..

  3. Good Show Uma. Love the article. i just want to share one thing with you all. When I or for that matter you got married, none of our mothers or patti gave us any advice. When I learnt that many other girls were advised by their mothers to be good and listen to their MIL and all.. I wondered for a long time why none of us in our house gave us any advice. I thought they were not aware and all . But it took some time for me to realise that they did not preach they simply lived the advice. we were all brought up to be girls for whom respect to elders came naturally. Nobody need to tell us to do so.

    • yes rama…..I fully agree with you………everyday i am thinking about the way we have been brought up and i am thanking god for making me born in such a family…….all credit to our parents especially to our patti (grandmother)…………

  4. Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I will certainly comeback.

  5. Thanks a ton for being the tutor on this theme. My partner and i enjoyed your article very much and most of all enjoyed how you handled the areas I thought to be controversial. You are always very kind to readers much like me and assist me in my everyday living. Thank you.

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