Read the article in the sequence of parts.
Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the first day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
“You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out it won’t matter how many times you say “I am sorry” – the wound is still there. – Read this story in a bud-dist book.
Anger affects others and also harms our system so badly.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned first.” – The Buddha
- The reasons for anger are fear, guilt, time constraint, peace lost. Basically when we are not getting what we wanted.
- Suppose you are walking in the streets and a stranger gave some abuse. We will be least bothered as he is a stranger. There are people who get irritated even for this.
- We might think he is a stranger or a stupid person and gave some passing remarks. Just ignore.
- If such a statement is told by the loved one – then we feel upset because we think our loved one knows us well.
- But actually they don’t know us completely. Say your mother may not know many things about you.
- Then she is also a stranger to certain things.
- We should basically learn to ignore.
- But how to do that?
- Anger is the reaction of excess fire (heat) in the body. Fire can be put off by water.
- Drinking water is a good solution.
- Too much of drinking water is also not good. If the body cools down too much then it will automatically make it hot to maintain the temperature.
- Take small sips of water regularly. Room temperature water. Cold water should be avoided.
- In those days, the daughter’s parents give the son-in-law (SIL) a set of silver plate, tumbler (Cup) and a spoon. When they saw this angry young boy (SIL) they were sacred how he will treat their sweet little girl. So they quietly gifted him some silver and asked him to promise them that he will eat only on this. The SIL also accepted it and fulfilled the promise. The daughter is saved. Yes, Silver reduces anger. It is very cooling. If we fill silver glass with water and keep it in the moonlight and drink. It is so cooling to the body, eventually it will reduce anger.
- If we ask some one “Are you angry”. They will say “no – I am irritated”. Irritation is also a form of anger.
- The other forms are stress = anger + fear, Jealousy = Anger + love + fear.
- We did wrong by getting angry. If we think, did I want to do that, the answer is “No”. But at that time it was the best thing to do. May be it is out of ignorance or lack of control.
- My kids disturb me while I am doing the work. Many a times I think they are ignorant and they want my attention. But sometimes I lack this control.
- Can I develop this control all the time? Yes, it is possible.
- We can do anger fast / Sadhana. Prepare the mind and be determined that you will not get angry for a day to start with.
- In the brain there is neuro patterns.They start like a thin thread. But with repetitions they become so thick and become a highway and form a groove. If we change our behaviour we create new neuro patterns or new paths. We are up against our biology. The more you practice a new behaviour the more likely you are to shift it to a more desired pattern you are seeking.
- Eg. There are some people who get angry say by looking at some mess in the house. They are so used to get angry for this, whenever they see the mess immediately they will start off based on the repetition. The brain will quickly take them on the highway.
- Actually there is a few fractions of seconds left before we shout and after we see the mess. If we have the intellect then it will come in between to control us. This can be developed with practice.
- When we do this anger fast. We are trying to create new habit so new neuro path.
- But definitively when we do it on the first day. The nature will test us. Don’t lose your patience. Believe that we are tested for our determination.
- Suppose you are not able to do it for a day. Don’t get frustrated. Do it for some hours in a week. Later gradually increase.
- But don’t over do it. Like doing for a week in the beginning at a stretch.
- Actually we are suppressing the anger which is not good. If you suppress too much you might burst big.
- So once a week for some weeks then when you are good at it – do it for 2 days a week for some time. Gradually increase.
- By doing this, the time between your seeing the mess and the reaction will increase and you will be able to control the anger.
- My advice would be to do it silently. Don’t disclose to anybody that you are on anger fast. As many a time you might still get angry then the others might make fun of it which is very de- motivating or others might take advantage of it.
- By suppressing anger don’t think that you cannot fight for your rights. War is required for peace. Fight it without anger.
- In Bhagavad gita,Krishna told Arjuna to fight the war to bring peace without anger.
- Mahatma Gandhi’s philosophy of satya and ahimsa (truth and non violence).
- You will achieve what you want much better than getting angry.
- When you get angry cooling down faster is important. If you carry the anger you might burst at a wrong time.
- Having revenge and fear are very bad for our body.
- So removing the fear and revenge is very important. No need to fear for any thing.
- If somebody is a shy person then they will suppress anger. They need to become more confident before trying to stop getting angry.
- But we need to pretend anger many times. Say my son is trying to touch some electricity. Then I may have to pretend some sound like “huhhhhhhh no”‘. That’s ok.
- Sometimes we may have to pretend to certain people. Otherwise they will take us for granted.
- Even after controlling anger, irritation might be there. Irritation is a messenger. Attend to it. Otherwise it will become anger soon.
- People also think if you don’t get angry you are careless. Let them think anything. Doesn’t matter.
- Joy is also an emotion out of excess fire. So converting anger to joy is easy. Laugh at yourself as to how silly I am. You can also think of some humor to cool you down.
- Humor works for you; don’t try it when somebody else is angry. It will make the situation worse.
- When somebody makes a statement don’t take it personally. It is the nature of women. We need to change it.
- Things like cardamom, yogurt and lemon might help you to cool down.
- Wearing pearls will cool you down.
- Don’t repeat an unpleasant experience to others. It happened – too bad. Just leave it. Whenever such a thought comes cool down and shift your thought.
- We cannot think properly in anger. If we are not in a mood then we will not like healthy food. Our mind will look at the snacks section for sweets or fried.
- So just chill…………………….You can do it !!!!!