The normal question asked by all the parents is – What is the role of the parents in bringing up the children? How to create bondage ?
The answer is – We parents are the role model.
Parents want to read some moral stories or show some movies with some message to educate the children. This is a very good way of keep them occupied. Whether this will make them a smart child or will it create a bondage? The answer is a VERY BIG NO.
We as adults know for sure – what is healthy food? How much to eat? How important is exercise? How important is to sleep on time and waking up on time? How important is to be organised? etc.
Even after knowing – Are we able to follow these disciplines in life? Just ask yourself – What do you eat? How much do you eat? Do you exercise? Are you organised? How do you spend your weekend?
Even after learning and understanding all the lessons – we lack something and we are unable to follow them in the daily life. Have you ever thought – Why is this so?
The answer is the lack of intellect – Buddhi.
(I presume that the reader has finished reading my other articles on intellect – Buddhi).
In short, Intellect is something which controls the mind. The mind has the tendency to fluctuate. Intellect has to be strong to control the mind. Intellect also helps to make clear decisions.
Even after getting 10 PhD degrees – a person can be very messy and will not be able to apply his learning in life without the intellect.
If you tell them any information or facts of life – the answer is “I know “. Obviously, they know all the lessons – after all they have got 10 phD’s.
If you ask them – Then, why are you not able to apply in life? They don’t have the answer.
Without developing the intellect it is impossible to apply the learning’s in life.
The ability to understand new information is called Udana in Sanskrit. This capacity is high at infancy. As we grow older it diminishes.
Somehow, all parents are aware of this. So they want to give all kinds of education, learning and developing the skills like music, dance, art at this young age. It is very good to develop these skills. But without developing the intellect all these learning’s cannot be put to use in the daily life.
The next question is – How to develop the intellect?
The children get the intellect from the parents. If they are role models. If the parents are clear in decision making and they are able to apply the learning in life – then the kids will also do the same thing. Naturally, the intellect is developed in kids without any effort.
This intellect cannot be developed by studying in any University or college.
What if the parents lack intellect?
The one and only solution is to follow the Indian life style of living (disciplined life) and reading the scriptures like Bhagvad Gita on a daily basis. If we do this the intellect automatically develops unconsciously.
I will tell a small story to understand this point ” Scriptures develop the intellect unconsciously”.
A grand father and his grand son was living together. This grand son admired his grand father and followed his actions. The grand father was reading Bhagavad Gita daily. So this boy thought even he should read Gita. Picked it up and started to read for sometime regularly – but could not understand anything.One day, he asked his grand father – I admire you – I like all your actions and I try to follow every bit of it. I even tried reading the Gita – but could not understand anything. I wonder – why are you reading this daily?
The grand father smiled and said ” can you fetch me some water from the river?”. The grand son immediately took a bucket to fetch the water. The grand father said – you cannot take the bucket – you should get it in the basket in which I have kept the coal. Please empty it and take it.
The grand son said – How can I bring water in this basket. The grand father said ” please try”.
The grand son said – fine and went to the river to fetch water. Obviously, all the water slipped from the basket and it was empty.
He came running to the grand father and said ” see – I said it is not possible”. The grand father replied ” you didn’t try hard my son”. The grand son was puzzled and went again. This time he picked up the water and came running quickly to the grand father. Even then all the water was drained. The grand father said” try hard”. This boy did it 5 to 6 times. This time he didn’t speak – just showed the basket. The grand father asked ” what do you see?”. He said “nothing – no water”. What else do you see? He said it is clean now.
The grand father said ” that is what happens when we read the Gita”. We get cleaned from inside. Even though we feel it goes on top of the head – it unconsciously purifies us. It is important we read it again and again with Shradha. Shardha means to do something till the end without giving it up.
Without developing the intellect – How much ever education we are going to give the kids – it is a waste? In the sense, they will be able to earn a living but cannot be able to apply the lessons in the daily life.
Just think – can be make our kids organised by reading stories of well management or they will learn it if we lead an organised life?
Can they become good decision makers with some degrees from college and Universities?
When we are talking about kids – I would like to elaborate on handling new born by the family.
In India, there is a tradition that the expecting mother will go her mother’s house for delivery. She will stay there for 6 months after the baby is born – she will come back to her husband’s house.
The maternal grand parents of the new born will take care of the house. Presume that they have the intellect and they are having an organised life. This new mother’s job is to take care of the child and herself. For 6 months, she will restrict herself from the outside world and will take care of the child. She will not eat outside food– she will not socialise – she will not stay up late – she will not watch TV. She will lead a calm life and the child will also be very calm. She will feel happy to do the sacrifice.
She will bring this healthy and calm baby to the husband’s house. There, the Mom – in – law will manage the kitchen and the family. This new mother will predominantly manage the child along with some work of the family. Slowly, slowly as the kid grows she will take up more jobs.
More importance was given for the time to wake up, time to sleep, what to eat?, the emotions of the mother, cleanliness etc. They never bothered about teaching and showing books to the kids. The kids grew by looking at their parents – learned all the sanskar (tradition). There intellect was developed and they know how to be organised?.
Today’s senario – the grand parents don’t have any intellect and they are not leading an organised life.
The couples (who are these 10 phD degree kind of people ) – who think they know everything. Of course, they know everything after all they have so many degrees but only lack the application in life.
They decide to have a family and have a child. Their experience is zero, intellect is zero, domestic skills zero will handle the new born.
The new mother is used to so much of exposure to the outside world cannot stop eating outside, cannot stop socialising, cannot sleep on time and wake up on time, don’t know how to handle the family smoothly – will try handling the baby all alone and will think that the baby is something which cannot be handled.
The enthusiastic father’s thinks – they need to help their wives and will spend sleepless night at home.
The couples think that the father has to participate in handling the new born to create bondage. In the process of handling, both the parents are always having arguments. In this senario, will the kid learn bondage.
In those days, there was clear demarcation of duties. The grand parents will run the family. The new mother will sacrifice her commitments and will handle the baby. The father will do his duty of working and earning money for the family.
Fine – accepted. How to apply this scenario today?
- The new mother has to manage the child alone even in the night. If finding it impossible – will appoint a nurse. Will not involve the father. He may have to head to work the next morning and cannot sleep during the day.
- New mother will keep herself away from the daily routine.
- The father will manage his work and will handle the elder child (in case they have an elder child). Handling the elder one means only play school or day care or normal school. Will not take the child to any classes. Please stop all the classes for the elder child. Please stop attending birthday parties for some time.
- The whole family will concentrate on the time of sleep and waking up.
- Please have a cook if the new mother is not able to handle the kitchen. If she is able to handle it happily then fine let her continue.
- Keep the kitchen organised and well stocked for the cook to handle. The new mother will close her eyes and will not interfere on how it is managed? If the new mother is exerting herself – then, she cannot be calm. A calm mother can only have a calm child.
- Don’t blame anybody or any situation. The family has to sacrifice to bring up the kids. If sacrifice cannot be made then we cannot have a calm family. Everything will be messy.
- How to handle the elder child or how to keep the child occupied?
- If we have an organised and calm life. Handling the kids is no issues. For sure, they will know how to behave. If we have no rules in the house and everything is disorganised – they will not know – how to behave?
- Can keep a tutor for the elder child – if required.
- There are some families where the new mother is working in this scenario. Imagine the work load and the mess.
- I am not forcing or imposing that the family has to be managed the way I have narrated. I am just elaborating the various scenarios The request for the couples is to stop the daily routine and think. Please don’t take too much of work load on your shoulders beyond your capability. Accept your inability and delegate the work. Sit and plan and implement.
- In India, still we can have cook and domestic help and manage the situation (some how).
- What if the couples are staying abroad without any help. Then, the family has to go bed by 8 pm. The couples have to wake up by 4 am. By 7 am they should do one proper meal and should finish the laundry, cleaning and get the house organised. If the mother is at home – she will manage the kids. If she is working she will leave the kid in the day care. When they get back home there meal is ready. They should eat and sleep. Of-course, something monotonous.
- How to do the daily routine with interest and happiness? If we are happy from within then we can handle anything happily. How to feel happy from within – again the need to read the scriptures.
- Feel the need and study the scriptures – see for yourself how your intellect develops ? How your productivity increases? How much calm you can be?
Developing the intellect is the key…………………………………………
- Swami Parthasarathy has written a book “ Fall of human intellect “. Please read this to understand the importance of intellect.
- I am not suggesting the scenario suggested is the only way to handle things.
- Just start thinking. Don’t skimp. Try to take support and be happy.
- Organising our life as parents is important. There are cases where the parents may be totally useless but the kids will pickup some role model and come up well in life. Let us leave the extreme cases.
- I am not against fathers helping – I am just telling to clearly delegate the work. This is an example.
- Bhagavad Gita is not the only scripture to read. You can pickup any book which is guiding you in this line. The advantage of Bhagavad Gita is everything is not given straight. We have to make out the lessons. In that way, it unconsciously makes us think on those points and helps us to contemplate and follow it in our life.
- My style of writing is only in an instruction form. If you don’t like it – ignore it. But, just understand the point conveyed.