Mother of a son was visiting the temple and thanked GOD for his blessing. A lady in the temple asked – ” you are distributing prasad and you look satisfied – What happened? – I see you regularly in the temple looking little worried”!
Mother said – my son’s wedding is fixed. That was my only worry and it is fulfilled. The girl has done 3 Phd’s and she has been a topper in the school from nursery. Very beautiful family. Her parents never differentiated between their son and daughter. Brought both of them in the same way. I am satisfied and thanking GOD for his blessing.
3 months passed – the mother again in the temple looking very worried. The lady asked – What happened? – You are looking worried again. The mother said – my daughter in law is not even making a cup of tea.
Decide – if you want a 3 Phd degree girl – you need to have 4 servants to serve her.
Career vs family.
I decided – not to elaborate on the problems but to give solutions.
We women have 3 options to choose,
- Stay at home. Develop your domestic skills and manage your kid and family.
- Spend on domestic help. Compromise on kids. Take up your profession.
- Stay at home. Still have maids and be the manager of the house.
There is nothing wrong with all the 3 options. I can simply say in one sentence – Everything is in the mind. We have to remove the mental blocks and be happy with our chosen path.
As a women, I know it is very easy to say but very difficult to follow.
Have you ever thought – why?
Before giving the answer. I want you to understand the certain compromises in working and managing the house.
If you are taking option 2 : i.e. managing the house with domestic help and compromise on kids.
In today’s scenario, you need to spend Rs. 25,000/- Per month on domestic help (in any form say cook, maid, driver ) etc.
If you are not ready to spend so much – things cannot be in place. I have friends who have taken up full time job and still managing everything well with the help of maids. Because they are spending heavily on maids.
When you have a cook – there will be wastage. Be prepared. If you buy 3/4 of bindi. The cook will chop both the sides generously and you will have only 1/2 kg. Be prepared for wastage.
The food will be oily. The cook will have time pressure. If we cook in little oil the cooking time is more. Naturally, they will use more oil to finish the work faster. You have got to head to the gym.
There will be a compromise on the bringing up of kids and please don’t compare your kid with the kids whose mothers are there at home.
Handling domestic help is a task. The simple trick is trust. You better learn to trust rather than giving excuses (as to – why you cannot do that ).
If you are not comfortable with the above mentioned compromises – then things cannot be in place.
You might say that you are ready for these compromises but your family members are not co-operating. Whatever is the reason – finally – you decided to handle both home and career.
All the time problem.
(There are women who leave the job initially. But later take up part time and work from home – thinking that they have solved the problem. According to me, they have converted the problem in a different form. Still they have to do all the compromises of a working women – otherwise, there will be a mess. They are also unhappy because they are now earning less (with all the compromises). Instead, they could do a full time job and earn well and compromise 🙂 )
I know – all of us know this but unable to take up one to the above mentioned options and finally managing home and work.
Bhagavad Gita (BG) says – lack of intellect. (see my articles on intellect to understand better)
Bhagavad Gita also gives two simple rules,
- Always decide what you ought to do rather than what you like to do.
- Whatever is nectar in the beginning is poisonous in the end.
We know that we need to exercise and we should not eat junk food ( this is what we ought to do).
Even though after knowing this – we will decide to do what we like to do i.e lazing and eating junk food (nectar).
When we look at ourself in the mirror or when someone says – you have put on weight – it is a poison.
If we do what we ought to do say – exercise and eat healthy food (poison in the beginning).
When we look at ourself in the mirror or when someone says – you have reduced – nectar, nectar.
Conclusion : If you are unable to decide on something always apply this rule. Is this your duty or this is what you like. Always choose to do your duty even though it is poisonous in the beginning it will become a nectar. If we always choose the liking then it will be poison later. It does not mean that we should never do the liking. Take up your liking after finishing the duty.
My suggestion – if you and your family can happily compromise on the above mentioned points. Then, go head and take your liking (job).
Otherwise, You please sacrifice your liking and take up your duty. At the same time, please start reading the scriptures and develop the intellect. So that you will be a satisfied person with the chosen path.
Do you know these puppies and cubs of animals ; they are so independent and they go to their mothers for feeding on their own. But – the so incapable babies of ours – cannot even come to the mothers for their milk.The mother need to fetch them and feed. Such incapable babies are left unattended to chase our liking.what mothers are we? we need to do our duties as parents first.When we are not qualified to be parents – then why are we going in for babies.
I am sorry girls – the community and the family is unable to give you the freedom to take up your likes.I apologise on behalf of everybody. Please take care of your kids and sacrifice your liking and career. Afterall, sacrifice is the happiness of motherhood.
What is the point in always blaming the family and the community. Even they want to give you the freedom. Understand that they are unable to give it. That is the reality.
So – What is the solution – all of us sit at home and do what we ought to do?
The answer is the mistake of the mothers in bringing-up their daughters. They need to tell them that your life will change after marriage. If your in laws – family is comfortable with the compromises then take up your liking. If they are not comfortable then you have to sacrifice the liking.
If by chance a girl is so career oriented then why cannot they take up the career first and achieve something and go in for the family. The big examples are the Bollywood actors. They take up their career; succeed and then beyond a point they realised that – it is not worth. At that time they decide to go in for a family.
May be you will have limited choice at that time to choose. Finally, somewhere we need to compromise. That is life.
If we are prepared for the compromise then no issues. We will do it happily. Think and decide where you want to compromise.
We are born in this world to be happy. What is the point of chasing the liking all the time – when we are not happy.
We have come to take up some desires and leave some. We cannot be greedy to have everything.
Take up some and leave some. Don’t take too much burden on yourself. You cannot succeed and you cannot be happy. Be happy and decide on something.
You will get your liking ; sometime in your life. You cannot get everything together. Say – career, fame, name, wealth, health, family etc.
Note :
- If you are having financial problems and then it is a different story.
- What is a financial problem?
- You are not able to make both ends meet or not having the basic necessities of life – then you have financial problem.
- If you are going to say that I have taken many loans and I need to put my kids in the damn expensive school. Then, it is not a financial problem.
- Bhagavad gita and all other scriptures are not for people who are not able to meet both ends meet. It is for the people who have everything and still feels incomplete.
- By reading scriptures we will have the mental ability to compromise little and enjoy the things we have. We will be able to decide very clearly.
- By chance – you don’t agree with these points. Atleast, feel happy that you have been given a different direction for thinking.
- You think and decide.
- After all it is your life and your choice.
umasvedantam 
Uma, Just got into your blog while looking for a Sattvic recipe…all wise insights ..Thanks!!